The end of August meant the first official vacation of my life. Not counting trips as a kid with family and short escapes home for the holidays. It was me, friends and a week on the beach.
The last four years I have worked my butt off and not for a single second allowed anything to be priority. Breaking free of the phone and laptop was a terrifying thought, but somehow I managed to do it – for the most part. Arriving in PR, the Animator, Shew and i made our way to the hotel. Expecting to open the cab door and arrive in the third world, I was pleasantly surprised when there was a Starbucks and…actually that’s all that really mattered!
Literally for seven days my biggest concern was which pool to float in and if I should take to the beach. There was some trouble the first day as getting me to walk on sand was like trying to pull the teeth of a shark. Hate that shit, but it worked out and eventually my friends made me into the Starbucks logo with some impressively sized breast. Reference my Facebook page if you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing the photos.
The gay scene was just like New York. Bars were filled with guys ignoring each other, everyone on Grindr was visiting from New York or offering up some nasty foreskin, and the beer tasted like water. All of this was made better when I forced my friends into Condom World. Leave it to me to find the local sex shop and insist on visiting. The sales girl was amazing and together we tested the flesh lights (on our fingers), which led to me buying souvenir dildos for friends and a glass one for my mother. Yes, for my mother.
A sex toy grab bag was a must and then the ultimate purchase – legal roofies! Once they offered this up I spiked everyone’s drinks, like a good friend should. Incredibly the only person that got lucky on the trip was the Animator. Though at one point I thought he and Shew might kill each other as they were getting a tad testy. I’m used to gay tag-alongs so my patience seems to be expanding.
Other than leaving a few souvenirs in the hotel room it was amazing and now I need to rob a bank so I can afford to run off this winter to a warm location with friendly brown people.