Isn’t it always the way, that when you say, we’re only going out for a quick drink, you end up a wreck and most of the night is a blur? This is exactly what happened in this all too familiar scenario.
I like wine. I also like vodka. I don’t always like people. However, I do enjoy compliments. Who doesn’t? I was in Baltimore this past weekend and wanted my last full day to be semi-interesting. Baltimore, the man, B1 and I went to Amber Sea, which I may be noting incorrectly as their logo was very confusing when it came to reading the name. Baltimore and I arrived before B1, grabbing a seat at the outdoor bar. This was the first really nice day of the year in the states and everyone wanted to be outside to enjoy the break from the winter bullshit.
Baltimore headed off to the restroom, as we’d walked a couple of miles to pretend we weren’t about to pound drinks and beat ours livers into submission. As I sat, there was a lady sitting to my right, and she complimented my sunglasses, I returned the favor and now we were bar best friends. I chatted her and the hubby up, learning she was the sister of the bartender, who was the special kind of asshole I enjoy. Alas, this was only the beginning and we moved on once B1 arrived.
We migrated to Paterson Public House for a glass of wine. Yum! B1’s phone was behind the bar charging when a random guy asked if he could get in on her charger. A smooth entry, and rather well timed. Rick hit us at the moment of being friendly drunks, and not wanting to eat and pass out. Of course, Rick was our new best friend! Two bars, and we were making friends left and right. I mean, Rick wanted into B1’s pants, and as a good wingman, I was there to assist once she provided confirmation of being interested.
Let’s jump ahead a few hours. We took Rick to the gay bar. Mind you, it was only about nine at night, so the bar was dead, but we were lit. Poor Rick. He didn’t know what he was getting into. We were ready to dance and have a good time, all the while he was just trying to bag B1. I mean, I’m all for singles and couples bumping their uglies. Get it.
Well, we get to the gay bar, and this is my favorite part. Rick had a blunt to share, which in retrospect was an interesting choice on my part. I do have a medical marijuana card, but I’m pretty certain it’s only valid in Puerto Rico. So, smoking on a Baltimore street corner was probably not the smartest decision…but it was a fun one!
We ended up in the bar, which I was unaware had an upstairs with a cover charge. We drank, danced, and Rick continued to try and nail B1. I continued to play wingman, but constantly was checking in with B1 to confirm if she was even interested. We’ve all been drunk interested in someone. Then you get a moment of clarity and think, fuck! That didn’t seem to be the case in this situation, and as we tried to wrap up the night and get cabs things went a little off track. You see, B1 and Rick were ready to go, as was I, but Baltimore was nowhere to be seen. Incoherent drunk texts began to arrive, I fortunately speak drunkanese, learning Baltimore was outside across the street. No idea why, but there he was in all his bloody glory. Oh yes, my drunk boyfriend either fell or ran backwards into something very sharp. He had a lovely 5 inch gash on his tricep, which had left blood all over this leg, as he had probably been sitting on the sidewalk as we looked for him.
It’s one of those moments where you become instantly sober and go into mom mode. After confirming B1 and Rick were set, and letting them leave, I piled Baltimore into a cab. Side note, I made best friends with the driver. Drunk me and retail me seem to be the same person. We get home, and I more or less gave him a hooker bath to clean all the blood off. I mean, it’s been about five years since I fell in one of the street shafts and busted up my face, but at least I know what happened. Baltimore has no idea what happened to his arm.
To end this post, let’s recall that my goal was to go out and have one drink. We had many drinks, three bars, one hookup and a whole bunch of blood. How was your Saturday?