Coffee is the only thing that’s forever

R.B. Winters
R.B. Winters
Bull Shit, Shew, Starbucks Leave a Comment

It’s safe to say that guys are generally sexual, if not a little bit on the slutty side of the fence. When a guy doesn’t live up to the stereotype of doing everything penis-first there must be something wrong with him.

Sex to me has never been that important. It’s more of an obligation than anything else. From my first boyfriend to now, sex has always turned into a problem. Shew is starting to see the major drawbacks to dating me. Frigid, bitter, cold, and a bunch of explicits are often used to describe me. Though I will admit there’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes with them. Like any normal guy, Shew wants to get his business serviced. Unfortunately, I am not of the sexual working group. It seems more productive for people to give their hands a quick workout and be done with it. You know what you like, if you do it then it’s over twice as fast and the way you want!

Something on television mentioned sex as a way of getting closer to a person. This is incorrect. Sex is a way of getting inside of a person. If you want to get close to me, first of all, you should pause and think about the dangers. If you’re feeling brave, proceed with caution, and buy me a coffee. The fastest way into my circle is by way of Starbucks. After being infected by television, Shew brought up some of my behaviors. I told him what I hate telling people. I even prefaced with a little warning that no one actually wants to hear what it is I think.

I consider myself a loner. In fact being alone is something to enjoy. This city has so many people wandering around at all hours that when a person finds a minute to be alone they should try to make it last. Not to say I don’t need anyone. I have amazing people in my life that fill up any existing voids. One thing kids should learn is how relationships really function. Forever means until a person is bored. I love you means I want inside you. And promises are only good until they’re not. Coffee is the only thing that’s forever. I’ve watched every member of my family do the relationship back flips and bull shit, I knew a long time ago that wasn’t for me.

I’m not sure where things are going with Shew, this all feels uncomfortably familiar.