Do You Change?!

R.B. Winters
R.B. Winters
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Some people debate that we never change, others say we’re changing all the time. I like to think I don’t change, even though I’m constantly realizing how much I, and my life in a bubble, have changed. I mean, we just had my mom’s fifth deathiversary and I totally forgot about it this year. Previously, this was one of those, need to have a drink, weird feeling days. If Ray Ray hadn’t posted about it online, it would have gone by without a second thought.

I have a point to the rambling. Last weekend I went home to NYC and took the bf with me. NYC life was my twenty-something life. There are some things that I’m happy to leave behind, and some stories that I’ve embedded in books, but would prefer to not relive. In visiting a few friends, I realized there is no way to hide or avoid anything you’ve done in the past.

First we visited with Baby in HK. It was a re-hash of all the drama my sister caused five years ago when she came for a visit after my mom’s death. That visit ended with us in a screaming match, the police being called, and her on a plane home in less than twenty-four hours after arriving. Yes, family is exciting. One of the major reasons we have not spoken a word since. Overall, this wasn’t the worst thing, but I don’t think the bf realized how much drama was being kept under my family rug.

Then we met up for drinks with Shew. Shew is a loose cannon when it comes to me dating. I never exactly know what the narrative is going to be with him. Will he divulge some inappropriate or horrifying thing I did ten years ago? Maybe. Did he? Not exactly. I wound myself up so much over this, I ended up word vomiting a majority of the topics I thought could be brought up to simply get them out of the way. Rip the band-aid off! The bf seemed okay with all of the details he learned, though I think he now wonders where this oversexed version of me went. Trying to explain that person existed mainly for books and blogs back in the day, didn’t exactly kill the conversation, but at least paused it for the time being.

With all these mini NYC dramas, it seemed as though going home transported me right back to a life from ten years ago. If I could pick and choose, I’d keep the youthful energy, tone down the sex stuff, and avoid all the drama. Since that’s not possible, may as well funnel all this stress into a new book or some sexy blog posts