Yoga

Downward Facing What?

R.B. Winters
R.B. Winters
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YogaI’ve never tried yoga. I was able to say that until yesterday. A friend invited me to go with him to a Gay Pride Yoga, when the person he’d actually purchased the ticket for bailed. My usual response to this would be a big, “No.” But with my other friends all busy and me with no plans there was really no reason not to go. Plus, all yoga is sort of gay themed, so gay pride yoga was sure to be a spectacle.

Let’s begin with the instructors. I’m not sure if they’re enlightened or criminally insane. Once you got past the fact that they were both clad in spandex and you could see their man-el toes [Which was really distracting. Every time one of them walked by I was very aware of exactly where their testicles were in relation to the rest of their junk] they were good at what they do.

Things started off with us all sitting in a circle and the one instructor playing some instrument I’ve never seen but has to be closely related to the accordion. While they talked about yoga being a “safe place” and sharing far too personal stories I watched the group. These people ate up every single word. On one hand I was embarrassed by and for some of these people. They remind me of those people who actually are all alone, have no friends or close family and this is their only outlet. I sympathize as that would suck, but get a pet or a plant and drinking problem. It’s far cheaper and a lot easier. Then came the chant. Everyone knew this weird little song, that I’m not sure was even English. I held back giggles as they sang and we sat in Lotus Pose…I think that’s what it was called.

Some issues for me: I didn’t consider we would be bare foot. I don’t ever go without socks. The feeling of the floor on my feet repulses me. We also had to roll all over a filthy floor covered in glitter. Stranger interaction is another creepy thing to me. When the instructor grabbed my sweaty head I was grossed out – for him. Who the hell wants to touch a sweaty stranger. Then when the other one shook my legs out I wondered if he wanted me to kick at him.

But I played along as my character of the night’s name was Eric and he likes yoga. So I tried my best, did the poses and even stood on my head (with assistance of course). I don’t think I’ll be running back to yoga any time soon as it’s a little too hippy for me, but I’m glad I went because it was definitely something to experience.