Last night the Russian hosted a casual dinner party, bringing together myself, Larrymore and our Straights. Jokes, one broken glass [this one not my fault] and an amazing dinner. But I still slipped out early. I wasn’t feeling great, the wine was helping, but I couldn’t shake an ick hovering over me.
Once home I drank water only, which should tell you I really wasn’t in prime form as there was a perfectly good bottle of wine right there just waiting to be uncorked. Somewhere between an angry stomach and an unsettled mind I decided it was time to let go of some of the bad behaviors that clog a person. This spurred by Ray Ray who was dealing with another breakup. She goes through men faster than I do, mainly because she actually takes the time to date. My sad attempts at dating are fewer and farther between but I always had my safety net: Late Night.
But what good is it doing anyone to have the safety net? Late Night’s a nice guy, though I wish he truly was a giant asshole so there was a proper reason to cut ties. As I told him, I don’t want to be the someone you talk to only when you’re bored. Which he disputed, either way it’s what I believe. To be honest, the two or so months we didn’t speak up until my birthday weren’t so bad. Having this random person out in the world you may hear from consumes the mind. And for what? So you can be given exactly what you were promised: Nothing.
I didn’t stop there. As I scrolled through my phone I noticed the long-lost ex whom I’ve not seen in more than a decade. The phone was refusing to let me delete him, the option wasn’t there. Taking it as a sign I said, “Hello.” Via text, of course. The conversation was brief and circled towards my mother. Everyone I dated over the last ten years was compared to this guy by her. He then mentioned he was aware of her passing and spouted some semi-philosophical bullshit. I was enraged. Complete strangers reached out, and you, someone who claims to be a friend, didn’t even offer a pity ‘Hello’?!
Once I figured out how to unlink his contact it was possible to drop the contact record from the phone. He’s just one more shadow of the past taking up space.
And both of these, probably more dramatic than necessary endings, occurred while I was sober. Which is important to note as it will be the assumption of some that it was just drunken rambling.