Over the last twelve months I’ve stayed in semi-close contact with a few of my mom’s friends. One of which I’ve known since I was a little boy. She’s always been a colorful character and is safely deemed Mom’s best friend. She also has a relationship with my sister, and out of the blue, Sherrie, the bestie, sent me a text asking me to reconnect with Jami, my sister.
I had to think about my response before it could be sent. Not only because it requires a thoughtful answer but also to not come off as cold or callous.
The message received: “Just talked to Jamie. You two do have something in common!! You are both missing your mom. Please think about staying a family.”
This is a fair request, I suppose, but it irritates me and the answer I returned: ” I miss my mom but I’m in a good place. After my last encounter with Jami, I don’t want her in my life. That’s just how it is. I have a family, she’s just not part of it.”
Our very volatile falling out last summer left a bad taste in everyone’s mouths. At this point there’s nothing left to be angry about, but pretending the fences can be mended and things can resume is insanity. When we so clearly don’t function around each other, why add the stress and drama to life when it is possible to live happily apart?
As far as family, I have my dad and stepmom, but my network of friends is just as important and fills any holes that may have been left with the exit of my siblings. A therapist would probably disagree and anyone who is interested in the traditional family unit would probably scream at this concept, but if you never connected with your siblings in childhood is there any reason to engage them in adulthood? The answer for me is a simple no.