Last night, I went on my first date in six months. A nice guy, around my age and seemingly in the same professional stage of his life. The conversation was engaging and the wine was fantastic. Being a first date, there are certain conversation milestones needed to get the ball rolling. We hit them all; What do you do for fun, what neighborhoods have you lived in, when did you move to the city, family, friends, etc…
A few hours into the conversation, things became slightly more serious and the topic shifted to the more adult. Do you want to get married? Not a questions I enjoy answering, as it generally causes an argument with people. I wasn’t inclined to lie and say I was wanting of a marriage. That’s just setting a false expectation, in the end it could come back to bite me in the ass. I explained, if the circumstances were right, maybe I would, but marriage was not on my list of must-do life goals. Part of this stems from my belief that marriage is archaic and unnecessary.
Then a question was asked that has never in my life come up on a date. Do you want children? This is one area in which I have no desire to hold back, my stance is set in stone. No. Absolutely no. This is when I could tell my date was the type of person who will probably require children one day. He went on to ask if I thought my mind would change. It won’t.
People often think this is a choice based on immaturity or lack of growth. People who want kids are great, and good thing they do, they keep our species alive. I’m not one of those people. There are a million things I have left to achieve in life. None of which will allow for a life-sucking fetus to be attached at the hip and consuming time. I shared very similar thoughts with my date, as I truly do not enjoy children. From the sticky fingers to their germ infested bodies, I run when they’re near, terrified of what harm they will do to my immune system and clean jeans.
These are the questions we now have to answer. It’s no longer just about finding a partner. As the gay world continues to progress, it’s becoming more and more like the straight world. There’s nothing wrong with this change in reality, but it’s something I never would have thought feasible ten years ago. To some degree, I miss the simplicity of dating at twenty. A time in life when the choices you made didn’t really have that much impact on tomorrow.