The lesson for today is this: Never take a break from someone during the honeymoon phase.
This is exactly what I went ahead and did with Apple Picker, whom I met a few weeks before leaving New York for six months in Puerto Rico. Leaving during this period allowed months of toying with ideas, or possibly delusions on my part. When you first meet someone and don’t know them and they don’t really know you, it’s exciting and anything is possible. When you take a break with no official, ‘this is over’ or ‘let’s see other people,’ it can’t end well.
I was home for a few days and had notified Apple Picker, making plans to see him on the Friday before flying out once more. Then it came to the time when he was supposed to make an appearance and there was nothing more than radio silence. Of course, I reached out with a friendly text of curiosity only to be provided with more silence.
Aside from this moment I can’t recall the last time another human being ghosted me. I went about my evening and caught up with friends over drinks, keeping one eye on the phone at all times. It wasn’t until the following morning, when I gave up all hope of ever hearing from Apple Picker. Deciding not to send a million texts the evening before, I thought it acceptable to send one asking if I’d scared him off. Nothing but silence.
There are not many things out there that can kick you in the metaphorical balls the way rejection can, but it’s almost magical the way the mind can spin all sorts of reasons for the “why.” There is a sort of happy ending to this story. It took another day and 1600 miles of space, but Apple Picker did reach out via text, seeing as it is the only form of human communication which allows us to remain distant at all times while pretending to connect.
Turns out he started dating someone a few weeks back and didn’t want to tell me. He apologized in his message for not bringing it up sooner and I simply thanked him for letting me know. I was aware this was a possibility in my absence, though it doesn’t make me like the situation. It’s frustrating to receive the blow off, though probably better that it came today versus never, else I’d spend who knows how long obsessing over the ‘what went wrong.’
So, I learn the lesson, if you’re going to date, it’s best to get through the honeymoon phase before making any major life choices…or at least make it clear that there is no intended future upon return.