Off Limit Lips

R.B. Winters
R.B. Winters
All, Bull Shit, Delta Leave a Comment

It’s safe to say most people can get into trouble after a few drinks. You have a couple of cocktails, maybe you’re at a bar or house party, you become the loose lipped life of the party. One or two people, mainly those not partaking of liquid joy, judge from a corner where they nipple on nuts and crackers. The majority of people laugh or forget you. It’s so common, I’d say anyone reading this has probably experienced this firsthand.

For me, it’s no different, but even when alcohol is not involved I tend to get into trouble. Recently I was on a flight from San Juan to Baltimore. It was one of those rare flights where I was upgraded to first class and it wasn’t some kind of computer error. In first class you are pampered with booze from the moment you take your seat to the announcement of landing. There’s a meal in there at some point, though no one is in it for the airline meat and potatoes.

On this particular flight there was a gentleman seated to my left. Being in first class there are only two seats per each side of the aisle. I do well to not engage with fellow passengers. I mainly want to get on, maybe do a little work, watch a movie and enjoy my vodka. My neighbor was on a completely different wave length.

He tried simple ways to engage, asking a question about the television, then how to open his tray table. I responded, but kept my headphones in as to not let him think conversation was on the itinerary. Well, until I went to the restroom. You see, when I went, he then went, and now I was stuck waiting for his return as he would need to climb over me.

In the split second of his arrival and me once again sitting, the neighbor of mine strikes up a conversation. It may have been three too many vodkas or the retail side of me, but I engaged and now we were full blown conversation. We spoke of literally nothing worthy of note, so let us jump to the point. Out of the blue, my neighbor, this complete stranger leans in for a kiss. Not a Euro peck on the cheek, he went right for the lips and landed.

As a personal space loving human I was stunned. This had never happened on a plane before to me. Was this the first class way? People booing and seat swapping saliva? As I pulled away the hint seemed to be received and he leaned back into his seat where the remaining thirty flight minutes were lengthy and silent. It does make me wonder what he had in mind for an end game. Certainly we weren’t going to be climbing into the bathroom stall.

The moral of this story; If you meet a stranger on a plane and they converse with you, it’s most likely not flirting, but a polite person hoping you will shut your fat mouth.