I don’t think that I’ve learned anything from my time with The Devil. Well, I have learned one thing: I’ve learned that I need to build walls that are bigger. They should be ten feet taller than they are, strung with barbed wire and tapped into an anti-jerk supply.
Things were finally going just how I wanted them to. The Devil was acting like my boyfriend and not the guy that f**ks me. We were going out together, doing couple things, he was even introducing me to his friends as his boyfriend. He almost gave me a stroke when he held my hand walking down the street. I do have to say that hand holding is a bit much even for me. I’m not so much into the public affection thing. I mean maybe if you get me drunk, but that’s mostly just to offend people on the street.
Three long nights of clubs, friends and fun all seemed to be the turning point. It was like The Devil had reverted back into the person he had once professed to be. On a lighter note: We’re very different people when it comes to the club scene. Give me a drink, a dance floor and some top 40’s hits. Give The Devil a drink and a dark corner to stand in. I thought it was important to show that there’s been a little more to us than the parade of endless drama.
Then again, I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I talked to my roomie about the turn around with The Devil, talking about him has become a topic of obsession. As I told her how great things were I knew in the back of my mind that it probably wasn’t going to last. Do I even need to say it? I was right.
Let’s get to it. I’m a jealous person, that’s a fact. The Devil is just as jealous, if not worse. I don’t know how to jealous people are supposed to have an open relationship. I’ve managed to hide my jealousy from The Devil, but it finally caught up with me. I can’t understand how someone that says he loves me wants to sleep with everyone else. Is it me, or is that a contradiction? As a Virgo that drives me nuts. I ask myself: Why am I not enough? Why isn’t he interested in me? Does he really love me? Does he think I’m as hot as the guys he’s looking at? Mostly neurotic insecurities, but my brain chooses to ignore logic in this instance.
The day came when I woke up knowing this relationship wasn’t going to work out. I knew that for my own sanity I should probably just end it. The Devil is always going to be promiscuous. He likes, and I quote, “variety”. I on the other hand want to know that if I’m not in my boyfriend’s bed, no one else is either. I got out of bed, dressed and left The Devil’s house; I was already irritated with him from the night before. He had hooked up with a guy in a bar bathroom and was mad at me because I played with a guy from the train on the same night. It’s an open relationship by his choice, see the problem? I spent the entire day trying to decide if I wanted to continue with this relationship.
As evening set in I arrived home from a long day of running around and logged onto Facebook for some innocent conversation with friends and strangers. A week prior The Devil had changed his status on the site to say we were together. I had never mentioned him changing it, or anything of the sort, it was completely his thing. When I logged on I was greeted with no less than five emails asking why we had broken up. I was confused to say the least. That’s when I realized he had changed his status. I didn’t know if that meant he was done with me, or what; all I knew was that I had had more than enough. I sent him a text, being too angry to even hear his voice. I told him that I couldn’t do this and that I wasn’t interested in playing games with him anymore. I went over to his apartment, thank God his roommate was home, to retrieve my things.
It wasn’t until later that night, after several drinks that my feelings caught up with me. Suddenly I felt like I was making a mistake by leaving him, but I knew I couldn’t stand to be with him. I laid on the floor, my phone in hand, and a drink in the other. I typed through my beer goggles: I’ll miss you for a very long time. I just want you to know that.