Google has implemented a very useful feature if you use Gmail. It’s a tool that forces you to solve math problems that are incredibly difficult when you’re intoxicated. This prevents you from drunk emailing people things that you would most likely regret the next morning. How do we get this tool implemented for text messaging?
I sent the text that I knew I shouldn’t have. I was opening a can of worms that would probably be best left on the back shelf of some barnyard pantry. I wasn’t sure if I would get a response from The Devil, though I obviously wanted one. What I didn’t expect was to start a small war: Battle of the texts!
“You left me.”
That just set me off. I left The Devil for treating me like crap, which is probably the smartest thing I’ve done in this relationship to date. Don’t get me wrong, when we’re behind closed doors, The Devil treats me pretty well. I don’t know if it’s because he’s been screwed over in the past, or if he just doesn’t want anyone to see him acting like the romantic comedy he wants to be. I’m just so tired of this push-pull game that we’ve been playing. I don’t have the energy to keep up with the constant turn-arounds.
After several hours of messages I ended up with a bruised fist from punching the wall and a bloody arm from my encounter with a kitchen knife. Not something I’m proud of but I literally went off the deep end. In the past I’ve used my best friend Rachael to help talk out my craziness. With her living on the other side of the country I’m left to trudge through the complicated mess inside my head alone. In the end, after all the drama I ended up in The Devil’s bed. Something I still haven’t admitted to my friends, knowing I would never hear the end of it.
Why do I do it? I keep asking myself this question. I’ve yet to reach an answer. I think it has something to do with Jerome. Three years ago I ended a perfect (literally perfect) relationship with Jerome, whom I had been with for a year. My reasoning was that everything was so perfect I wanted to pull my hair out. I was bored out of my mind. Had I known that I would spend the next two years mourning this relationship I may have made a different decision. The Devil is the first guy I’ve had the love feelings for since Jerome. This is the only reason I can think of for not throwing in the towel. It has to be worth it at some point, right?
For now there’s no definite future with The Devil, we’re heading in opposite directions. I’m choosing to not classify us as anything more than “fun” for now. If I put the relationship status back on us I’ll get sucked into the jealousy trap again. Here we go again.