Some people talk about loving their lives and we envy them while secretly despising their faces. Some talk about how much they hate life and they are the ones we pity while trying to avoid being invited out for drinks. The majority suffer not necessarily in silence, or at all, going about the routine of life to work, eat and sleep. They do what is required to live in the world, not a bad thing…not entirely the best thing.
Taking my New York hiatus five months ago, it is quickly coming to an end, having proven to been the best decision. Digging myself out of a financial hole created over the last two years by an inability to say no and always want just a little bit more. I’ll return to the city a far more financially stable adult than the one who left. This was a major reason for my life change, the other being a need to shake things up and try something new. Getting up, working, going to the gym and then bed are not enough. If it is enough for you, please share you secret or the name of the doctor prescribing your hallucinogenic drugs.
What has changed while living in Puerto Rico: Exposure to people who do not behave in any way like myself. Beginning to learn a new language and having opportunities to apply these new and difficult skills. Meeting people even though I thought I’d be down here by myself.
I really do hate people, in the sense that I don’t want to be in a big crowd or entertain a group. I do however enjoy having someone to talk to as we share a bottle of wine, someone to beach and brunch, someone to text when I’m having a shitty day and want to hear exactly what I need to hear. Friends. I did not expect to make any here.
Now, with the return to New York only a month away I’m unhappy with the reality that I once again have to leave friends. You see, it’s my restless nature which got me to Puerto Rico and it’s that same voice in my head making me think running away to Europe would be a practical solution. It’s also the same voice who has me applying to law school while worrying being accepted would mean several years of life on lock down. Though that is a different issue altogether.
So, I return to New York on May 1st, a new book is almost out and it looks like everything is going back to the way it was. I don’t want things to go back to normal. New York, I do want to be home, but the idea of returning to the old routine is almost enough to make me stay…or at least take pause.
Where do we go when we don’t know where we want to end up?