If bets were placed on how long Shew and I would last, anyone that guessed just over three months is the big winner. Slightly longer than my average relationship, bringing me toxic dating status to a tolerable level.
The claim has come from my own mouth that I am a proud lesbian. This break-up confirms this to be true. Once again a relationship has ended because I am in the slow sexual lane (this contradicts many popular opinions about me… suck on that bitches). It’s this odd thing that happens in my brain. When Shew and I first started hanging out I wanted to bang the Jew out of him, but he wanted to take things slow… which we did. After changing our status to “officially dating” my penis turned off.
See, when dating, I don’t think sex needs to be a part of things. You should be interested in everything except sex, kind of like we’re a couple that’s been married for too many years. The guy part of my brain says it’s more interesting to be single and have random one nighters along the way, where the girl part of me gets into the relationship and slips the chastity belt on. It’s a mystery… a sexual mystery.
The break up was probably the most adult of any I’ve had to date. There was no yelling, fighting or tears. It was very straight to the point and problem. Shew and I decided we’re better off as friends, which is more or less what we were the entire time because I kept my pants on so tight it cut off his circulation. Time will tell if we are actually able to make the friends thing work, I’ve only been able to truly do it a time or two. There are random ex’s that move in and out of my life, but we’re anything but friends. Most of my ex’s are like familiar douche bags that spill into my life every blue moon and give me that bitter wrinkle causing face.
Now that I have resumed single life the lesbian in me can truly be free to let her mullet down. It’s going to be flannel, beer and vag from here on out. Well, until I get that evil dating itch again. Any bets on how long before that is?