Shotgun What?!

R.B. Winters
R.B. Winters
Marriage, Ray Ray, Valentine's Day Leave a Comment

There are some messages so shocking that when you read them you nearly collapse. A text message appeared to day that said something I never could have guessed. Changing everything!

Marriage has always been on my list of things to hate. Ray Ray is the only person I was ever willing to be married to. We had decided it was the best way to go. This meant no one else would ever be able to marry either of us, we’d be together forever, and we could both continue to sleep with other men. The plan and execution have been perfect for several years now. I’ve dated… she’s dated… and we’ve both had fun.

Today, Ray Ray sent a message informing me that she was engaged! The Prince of Pants got down on one knee and proposed (not with the ring in the end of his who-dilly). I have to say that he did it on Valentine’s Day, making me want to vomit just a little bit. VD is the worst day to do anything. Three people I know were dumped. At least this is productive. Ray Ray getting engaged is just a slow descent into straight hell!

With this engagement happening after only a month of dating I’m skeptical that it will last. I could be wrong, but kind of hope to not be. If my wife marries this douche-zilla I’ll be down to only one other friend that shares my relationship beliefs. Stay Lo and I may have to start some sort of alliance to fight back against marriage. I fear the disease is now airborne!