Single: There is No Known Cure

R.B. Winters
R.B. Winters
All, Dating, Opinion 0 Comments

It’s hard to say exactly what a healthy relationship looks like, or what the model should be for one. Maybe our parents should be the model, but when you’re the “gay kid” in the family, even if your parents had the greatest of love affairs, it’s not exactly something you can compare yourself to. Perhaps at the root it’s the same, but as far as obstacles it seems to be different.

Recently, London, nickname stemming from his current place of residence, and his fiancé came to Puerto Rico in an effort to explore wedding locations. The cynic in me makes jokes and rolls eyes when it comes to weddings. Though I have to admit I would say these two are the example of a healthy relationship, gay or straight. It was interesting to engage with two adult gay men, who not only behaved like adults, but interacted with one another in a comical and positive way. We see this between gay men who are friends but I’ve never really witnessed it in a couple.

Most gay couples I’ve met or know are kind of bitchy with one another. I’m not sure of a more polite way to put it…there always seems to be drama or a problem…always. So, witnessing what I would consider positive and healthy behavior was a refreshing change.

This does not mean I’ve converted to a love-a-holic and have begun a mission to find the dick I want to lock down. Coincidentally, the same night I was making this observation of London and his fiancé, we were in a dimly lit dive bar having a drink over by an open window. A guy appeared and I was cornered into a conversation. His boyfriend eventually appeared and they began asking some generic questions almost any stranger will ask you. The conversation went something like this:

“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No.”
“Are you recently single.”
“No, I’ve been single since I was twenty.”
“How old are you?”
“Thirty.”
“You don’t want a boyfriend?”
“No.”

Longest pause in history.

“Why not?”
“I’m good.”

It was amazing how quickly these two wanted to get away from me. Apparently, my acceptance of being single was like an airborne illness that may infect and destroy them.

Seriously though, I was a few drinks in, which probably made my answers more direct and less fluffy than they may have been in a different setting. Why I bring up all of this is because I am happy for my friends who are pairing off, finding that other person and moving forward in life. If I had told these two strangers I was engaged I’m sure they would have been all about the questions and positive comments.

Why is it that a happy, single person is looked upon as a problem or something to escape? If you are investing your time in a career, education, friendships, is that not as good as investing in a relationship? There really is no correct answer, the relationship driven person will be inclined to say, “you’ve not found the right person,” or “you’re kidding yourself.” The reverse is true of singles who are likely to agree up to the point of finding themselves in a relationship and then becoming a convert.

What I’ve learned, and it’s a fairly recent discovery, is that I do not have the desire for a boyfriend or partner at this stage in life. That is not to say never, but there’s no point in sight which I can envision a relationship. My friends fulfill the human engagement aspect of life, and the ability to hop from one city to the next, spend money as I see fit and answer to no one individual makes life exciting. Why give that up?