Talk to me

R.B. Winters
R.B. Winters
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When we’re young there are certain things people say you will out grow. Not wanting to eat vegetables. Not enjoying exercise. Not wanting to date. Some of these things I have grown out of, while going in the opposite direction on other items.

Being single has always been fine with me. In fact, I’ve made something of a mission out of it. At 18, people said I would grow out of it someday. They again told me this at 20, 22 and 24. Now I stand at the threshold of 25 and everyone seems to have changed their perspective. I’m being condemned and commended for my dating ways. On one hand, friends tell me they wish that they could be like me. On the other, people tell me that I better do something to change before it’s too late.

Love for me is a four letter word that applies to things like coffee and puppies. This is not something that properly fits on another human being. I do have a relationship of sorts with Shew, and I hear from everyone around me that I need to keep him away before I make a mess. Shew knows that I want to be single and I know that he wants a relationship. That means we both know the risks of being around each other. However, all I really want is someone to talk to. It’s nice having someone there at the end of the day so you can complain about work, bitch about transit and just get things out of your head and into the world. What I don’t need is someone to hug, kiss or touch me. This is the thing I have not grown out of.

I am 25. I am single. This is more or less a summary of each birthday that comes and goes. Each year I’m a little more stubborn and a little less patient. Each year my ways are more deeply ingrained than they were before and I become a little more difficult. Now I’m wondering where to go from here. If a person does not want to follow the rules of society and settle down what are the options? I’m currently married to my job, but who knows how long I can run myself ragged. Is work the only alternative to marriage?

For now I am happy with the way things are, not that there’s much that can be done. However, I do wonder if I will ever grow out of my abnormal dating ways. I doubt it. I think the Animator and I are going to be sitting at the bar in 30 years getting drinks and hitting on the 25 year old kids of the day.

Comments 1

  1. Outgrowing habits, youthful or aged, will always be grounded in the origin of whatever the act. Cultural leanings force, or, compel us to do things differently. Most kids don’t eat vegetables because it is a biologic function. Children begin as primitive beasts, wanting the most visceral satisfaction. On the most basic level our brain responds to sugars and fats, two components not really found in most vegetables. When culture comes into mix, we must confront a social pressure, to the point that it is understood and can be addressed objectively (never trying to pull peripheral concerns).

    I have made quick judgments as to why you take so much pride in your bachelor lifestyle; I mostly blame it on some need for interpersonal relatedness, not realizing it is maladaptive in result. Instead of wanting to adjust, you readjust.

    When it comes to relationship queues, one extracts from pop culture (“feelings”) or genuine analysis. There is a sort of freakish hybrid in your case, for the very fact that you observe events from a fairly rational standpoint, but then attribute the consequences as a result of some magical collective idea. Thoughts concerning relationships are either one way or the other i.e. you accept the self interested nature of your social interaction or fall victim to a notion that proper emotions beget a c certain kind of magical love. The latter is trite, no? I don’t want to define the elements of relationships and commitment; however, I think the aforementioned parallel, constitutes some reflection.

    Many find it appealing to be in a state of despair if love is not sought, drowned or believed. If bachelorhood provides the means necessary for your life, and it can extend throughout your existence, then you don’t have to defend such a position. One can date forever, but engaging in love’s labor is the greatest act of happiness most can hope to achieve.

    Best,
    Abbot

    P.S. I am passing out from Advil PM