The Itch

R.B. Winters
R.B. Winters
All, Life Leave a Comment

Ever think about your biggest fear in life? From observing people, the biggest fear floating around seems to be the one of being alone. People pair off, get married, get divorced, get married, get divorced, and so on. Being alone is not something I find scary, in actuality it can be a great comfort at times. My biggest fear is stagnation.

Having recently completed a Masters degree I am faced with the next step in life: Continue in the pursuit of education or allow life to move forward exactly as is. The idea that the way things are today may be how they are forever is something I am unwilling and petrified to accept or truly acknowledge. In part, this is my commitment phobia/restless nature which drives me to distraction. How else would I have ended up spending the winter more than a thousand miles away from home? It’s not just about snow, it’s about not settling into a routine which will consume your life and leave you old and broken fifty years from now.

When you are a single adult who has no children and work is a focal point in life, you have the ability to make a multitude of decisions. At times it’s easier to make no decisions or changes and remain in your comfortable niche life, which I’ve done on many occasions. Work eats up enormous amounts of my time and we’re coming up on the eight year anniversary of what was to be a temporary position. I’m too afraid to walk away, but at the same time not able to accept the idea that this may be forever.

How do you rip off the emotional band-aid and take a risk? For me it was by registering for the LSAT. As a kid it was a goal to become a lawyer. Will I pass? Will I be accepted? Is it the next step in a totally new direction that will lead me far from where I began? Not a clue. There’s no way to answer any of the “if” questions other than living, making more mistakes and looking back a few years from now and deciding which were the right and wrong ones.

I literally am raising my glass to the next chapter. Let’s hope I don’t fall flat on my face.