Yesterday, while out with The Animator, a world record was set. Actually, there may have been two records set. The train delayed me but I still made happy hour, the place was empty aside from The Animator and his friend.
Record #1: I sat down, removed my coat and ordered a drink. By the time the bartender brought the drink this stranger appeared, placing himself between myself and The Animator. Clearly intoxicated he proceeded to tell us that it was his birthday. Well, he then corrected himself, and the following day was really his birthday. Drunk Stranger then said, “I love red-heads.” In all the world if there is one thing that you would never use as a pickup line, that’s the one. Douche bag.
But he didn’t stop there, the alcohol had removed any ability to filter his thoughts and they just came spewing out of his mouth. Drunk Stranger then said with no shame, “I want to have sex with you.” That’s got to be a record for the least smooth line ever spoken at 4:30 in the afternoon.
And it didn’t end there, Drunk Stranger tells the bartender he wants to buy me a drink. The bartender brings me a drink and takes the guy’s credit card to process. The card declined – twice. Drunk Stranger then decided I should buy him a drink. He received a big, “no.” What a douche bag, I mean, you order someone a drink they don’t want, you can’t pay, and then you want the other person to buy you a drink? Pure class.
We then had a few more minutes of conversation as he wasn’t taking my consistent response of no as a sign. To entice me he informed that his apartment was right around the corner. If that wasn’t enough he also shared that he’s really good in bed. Again, I had to decline. Finally admitting defeat, Drunk Stranger tried to storm out in a huff. The door he selected to make his exit wasn’t locked, but he sure as heck couldn’t get it open until the bartender came over and provided instruction on turning the knob.
What a disaster. We hit two more bars after this also filled with weird older gentlemen. One guy sniffed The Animator and then another told me hit liked being hit. More than interesting for a Saturday night.