Now and then [mind you this is incredibly rare], you will meet a person who is just like you. They will have the same sense of humor and opinions, you’ll go on a date and possibly even label yourself as smitten. You’ll have a great night together and look forward to the second date. The second date arrives, you’ll do your best to ignore the pessimistic thoughts in your head saying this is all going to go wrong. You’ll enjoy a few drinks and hours of conversation.
That’s exactly how this weekend went for me. That was until the last hour of the second date when the topic of sex became our focus. When my date, whom I was very much interested in, made a point to tell me how important sex is to him, I thought it necessary to share that I disagree.
My opinion: Sex is a decisive act. When you want someone, or just have the urge to cum, you engage with another human to achieve climax. Emotion is not a part of sex, as it causes confusion and complication that only leads to problems.
When I shared this my date instantly looked disappointed, which I did apologize for as this was not my intention, but it was something I wanted to be clear and up front about because I know how some people value sex and a relationship.
Seeing as we reached a position where there is no compromise and I clearly shared I was not going to promise I would change as that would be a lie, I suggested we go the friend route. This offended my date even more and today, a day after the incident, I’ve received hours of what I consider to be text message lecturing. Sharing feelings, telling me I’ve given up and on multiple occasions saying this was all a ploy to gain writing material. Yes, I’ve dated for writing, but this was one of those rare times when the guy was actually interesting and I was putting in effort.
This concluded moments ago when he told me how truly cold I am and that I should seek therapy. I didn’t argue nor reply to the comments. He is entitled to his opinion. And I’m entitled to mine. I find people who need a therapist weak. They don’t know themselves enough to know what they want, how they feel and what’s acceptable. Nothing about my behavior over the last twenty-four hours was inappropriate. I was clear, direct and honest. No matter how often people say these are things they want it’s not close to what anyone really wants.
I’m getting all the blame for this misfire dating experience, and that’s not a big deal. But for the first time it’s actually not my fault, it’s nobody’s fault, but I’m clearly seeing that there must always be blame. I also have a bigger appreciation for the Late Nights of the world who are clear that they don’t want to date you and it’s only sex. It certainly doesn’t seem so terrible.